“You are abnormal. I can’t meet you because, no matter what I do I can’t get over your left arm, it freaks me out. I don’t want you to feel offended but physical appearance matters to me as much as I like you, I tried to get over it and it is not working”. He said.
No matter how strong you think you are, it hits you and when it does.
There are many things I admit; I can’t play the guitars, I never had the chance to know if I was a leftie, I can’t drive and I can’t scratch my right arm or my back.
Otherwise I’ve managed this far with a fair amount of daily judgemental looks, some who pass by and whisper “Allah yeshfeeh” or “Allah la yeblana” (I hope God fixes him / I hope God doesn’t do this to me).
I learned how to use everything, and pretty much do everything I need with one hand, from typing to tieing my own shoelaces. I’ve never hidden my hand nor blamed God for this nor even complained about it to myself.
And I’m not special, nor different or gifted. I just love life. I love every moment of it, from the second I wake up till the second I sleep.
And I was always strong. I used to think I have a bulletproof ego. No joke. I take pride in everything I do.
But today. I’m not. I’m not strong. I have reached my quota and I’m not going to use any of those fancy rich words to express how I feel.
I’m sad. I’ve mastered faking smiles and normalised answer like “fine” “great” and “alright”. I’m a very miserable person.
And I can’t. I just can’t understand this. Nor anything compensating like telling me “God tests the ones he likes the most with life struggles” because this is bullshit and “praying for me” won’t help either because you’ve been doing it for years and look at what happened to those you prayed for. Nothing.
I need to disconnect from all of this. I need to let go of this…